Weedsport’s Finest Issue #3


“If you have an idea that you genuinely think is good, don’t let some idiot talk you out of it,” I remember that quote like the back of my hand. Growing up in Weedsport is interesting, to say the least as it’s kind of a backwoods area so, not the most exciting of places… except for the superheroes. I have got to live in one of the strangest times to be a person ever, I know people who control the wind, can shoot webs out of their wrists, and not to mention, two weeks ago back in April half the town got destroyed! All in all, it couldn’t be helped that strange times + superheroes = destruction. Anyways ya girl was walking along bopping to Everybody Wants to Rule the World, I was munching on a puff pastry as I passed through the village. The village is such a nice place, as dangerous as it is sometimes due to massive battles and high-tech floating max security prisons exploding, but still wonderful to be in despite the massive crime wave. I was passing by a yellow-colored house when… 


“Oh? what’s this, an innocent mortal.” I turned around nervously only to see the Dark Specter, a scientist named Ungern Hamilton who found an ancient Egyptian cube, and against all protests from the government, locals, and anyone with commonsense experimented on it. He chipped at it for weeks and when he finally got to the center what was revealed was an orb. Seeking ultimate knowledge he touched it. if only Ungern had understood what kind of power he was in possession of because he touched the orb and was taken by the chaos snake Apep. Using his infinite power he seeks to control all and devours others in his pursuit. The only known way for him to be beaten back is by Sagittarius, the Warrior Nova Deus of Thunder. I’ve never come face to face with Ungern before I’ve only ever taken notes on my class field trip to… THE PHOENIX! I forgot just hours ago The Phoenix had blown up releasing a lot of villains. “Wait… I’ve seen you before, on those field trips with the school.” The biggest grin had crawled its way upon that god-awful face. back at the airbase, I had slipped him a chocolate bar out of sheer pity, if I had known I would be the attempted servant of a chaos being, I wouldn’t have felt that pity.


“Listen y-you really, don’t want me as a servant I doze off too much I won’t remember anything,” I said backing up panicking.


“Nonsense, I believe I do!” His eyes started looking like those videos of optical illusions people use to get hypnotized. He snaked his coils around me and I began to lose consciousness, fading into his grasp… the world seemed new, and BAM! All of a sudden I woke up and saw the one and only Sagittarius.


“For you have shown yourself vile serpent. I shan’t be surprised by your evil acts, so for what purpose are you harming them? What joy of joys do you get from maiming?”  Sagittarius said as the shield flew back into her hands. She lowered to the ground and walked menacingly towards the half-snake half-person demon. 


“Oh, god of Thunder I am doing nothing in the way of harm I am just simply adding another human to my… collection per se I am not hurting, maiming, brutalizing.” It stroked my hair which made me uncomfortable on so many levels. “I am just adapting them to their soon-to-be new climate.” His voice sounded rather lovingly. I tried to wiggle my way out of his coils which had been around me but that only made him squeeze harder. I looked over to Sagittarius for help only to see his shield cut down a tree and have it land on top of Dark Specter. I got out of his coils and crawled away. I was feeling like I was going to have a panic attack. I bumped into the legs of the Thundergod and looked. She got down to my level and asked.


“Be it okay if I touch your arm?” I nodded and Sagittarius touched my arm. “Wouldst thou like the senses of five?” I nodded with a minimal understanding of what he was saying. “With thine eyes can thee see objects of five?” I nodded and tried to look around me. 


“I see the library, grass.” I sniffled a bit trying not to cry in front of one of my heroes. “Sidewalk, a house, and… and my hands.


“You are doing stupendous work, young one,” he said, giving positive reinforcement, which honestly helped so much. “Can thee name objects of four thee can touch?” he looked at me with the most gentle of eyes meaning only the best.


“I can feel my pants, pavement, sidewalk, and skin.” I felt Sagittarius rubbing my arm and saying positive things, I started realizing my surroundings.


“You are a brave and noble warrior.” I looked up with a smile. “I am nothing but the proudest of you.” I smiled, even more, this time. “Can thou name three things with thine own ear?” I nodded. 


“I hear the wind, my voice, a-an-and your voice.” He kept rubbing my arm which I honestly found kept me on earth and not in a dissociative state. He looked up at me with eyes that told me things would be okay.


“Can you name me two items of scent?” I looked up at him and nodded. I sniffled a bit trying to get away any mucus that came out in my blubbering state.


“U-Ummm, Th-The flowers a-and, my breath.” I was shaking less and having an easier time understanding my surroundings. I looked up and noticed how clear Sagittarius looked, he was so beautiful. 


“Lastly, can thou, tell me one of taste?” I looked up at him and I said.


“The ice cream I had before the blast.” I sniffled and felt calm, Sagittarius helped me up to my feet, I gave him a slight hug and was kind of embarrassed but he gave me a hearty chortle. I was going to walk away but then I hear a tearing noise and I look back to see a capeless Saggitarius, he holds it out to me and says.


“If you ever feel fear in battle hold this and remember you are protected by the god of lightning.” He puts his shield on his back and flies off. I rolled up the cape and continued walking to school because I may have forgotten my stuff, then I realized the school’s probably shut down for the time being because a giant explosion released a bunch of super-villains. I started walking home. I passed by the usual debris of a superhero battle when I noticed something unusual… it was the remnants of the Crimson Hawk, a soviet super soldier who was given a bird-like jetpack, he must’ve got taken down and his jetpack was lost. I picked it up and carried it home where I expected things to be alright… but instead there was a hole in my house. I rushed in and saw my mom holding my dad in her arms, I looked down to see him in a superhero… suit. Dad, he’s dressed up as. “Mom is dad fighting chance?” Mom looked up with tears in her eyes, she didn’t say anything, how could she? She just lost her husband.


It had been two weeks since Dad was lost, he was given a soldier’s burial, as I sat there I thought of all the good times we had shared. I remember going to my first Doubleday’s game with him at 4 and falling in love with baseball. I remember at the renaissance fair when we were watching the jousting tournament. My dad taught me so many things, but most importantly he taught me that if you have the ability to do the right thing, then you should do it. After the funeral, I started walking home, I didn’t feel like riding in a car.  The sky was coming down and just the happy moments leading up to the tragic loss of my father, who put his life on the line to save my mother and my younger brother. 


“Losing a loved one is hard. I understand where you’re coming from.” I turned to the side only to see a… woman? in a trench coat said. “I understand how it must feel, his loss hurt me as well.” I gave her a look of ‘excuse me’ I didn’t really trust her? Considering I had just met this woman and she says she UnDeRsTaNdS wHeRe I’m ComInG fRoM, “Your father understood the importance of being there for others… sorry for not introducing myself I’m Brewster… and yes I’m a guy.” I nodded and shook his hand.


“You got a first name, Brewster?” I asked. 


“None that you need to be aware of,” he said, we let go and started walking together. “So I should probably give an… explanation on how I knew your father.” There was a deep sigh in his voice like when you lose a friend while in combat, just how my grandfather described Vietnam, or how my great grandfather described World War II, it wasn’t pleasant for either. “Daniel Alvarez was a friend to us all at New Culper. He stood up for us when it looked like Major General B. was going to shut us down. But we showed him that our little hero group was very necessary to help the world.” I stopped for a moment.


“I have so many questions.”


“Go for it.”


“What’s New Culper, why are you telling me about this, and actually I only had two questions now that I think about it.” I saw him nod and we continued walking.


“New Culper is an underground organization dedicated to keeping the world safe through espionage, and vigilantism. And about your second question, that’s a two-part answer if I’m being honest.” There was a weird hesitation in his voice, I couldn’t exactly tell why but something told me it was important. “The first part is the simple answer. Because it’s the right thing to do, your father was important to the Culper Peace Army or Hale’s Rangers as we called them. But now that he’s dead I must ask you something. This is part two I guess you could say, of my answer but would you like to take your father’s place on the team. You don’t have to be fighting Chance, but could you consider joining?” This was a big ask, but I think I could. I wasn’t going to be Fighting Chance but I was going to at least become a hero to help take on the people who hurt my dad.


I walked into the main conference room wearing the suit my husband wore but different. Danny’s suit used red white and blue as a means to keep people calm and reassure them… now I wear his suit but in yellow, orange, and scarlet to strike fear in the hearts of those who look at me. I step forward into the broader area.


“To start things off we at the board are very honored that you would take up your husband’s legacy to help our organization in its efforts to cleanse the world of any threats.” I simply nod, I know what I’m here for I don’t need this fancy talk. “But we also need another hindrance to be taken care of.”  I looked up at the projector screen and noticed a figure taking out the soldiers of the organization. “This little menace is called Paradise because of her more bird of paradise-like look. Your first assignment to prove that you are worthy of your husband’s legacy and prove you are a worthy asset to the organization you are going to take out this paradise permanently.” I nodded and immediately walked out the door. I would prove that I am worthy of my other title. I will destroy anyone who gets in my way. I am the Fighting Chance.


Honestly, I love being a hero flying around helping people wherever I can. It helps take my mind off recent events, I was sitting on top of a building on E. Brutus Street the one where Jreck subs is, just munching away on my pack lunch when I saw someone on a motorcycle riding away from the police. “Well, that’s my cue.”  I put the rest of my lunch away and dove down bringing out my wings as I began to fly down. I tried to stay on pace with the motorcycle I looked over to the person driving at night. “Hey just so you know you’re kind of committing a lot of traffic violations.” The person looked at me and when I saw that mask I saw a distorted version of the one my father wore. I got furious and lifted the motorcycle and dropped it. The person fell out of the seat, and I dropped down my wings folded and I went to punch the first one that was caught. I went for the second punch that one was caught I kicked your knee and I punched her with a good uppercut she managed to get a few good hits in on me I tried my best I pulled forward I want punch after punch I wrote the eyeglasses on the mask when I went to hit the woman with my wings she broke one-off and then she broke the other… I tried my best. I tried but she kept relentlessly kicking and punching over and over it was getting hard to breathe that I was having a panic attack during the fight I should be more confident than I was about to have a full-on mental breakdown walk in the light beaten out of me… when all the sudden it stopped. I couldn’t tell what happened all I saw was the woman running away everything was blurry I felt someone rubbing my arm again just like Sagittarius had, but this time I wasn’t going to sit back and let that jerk just get away I am going to get myself a new suit and I am going to get myself some new wings and I’m going to kick someone’s butt.


I toss the wings of my opponent onto the table. The head of the organization gives me a massive grin he stands up and examines them I noticed there Slavasium, this was a metal that is strong enough to withstand 15 nuclear blasts I noticed the hinges that would’ve attached it to the jet pack weren’t in the best condition, which explains why I was able to break it off.  Knowing that the pestilence that was the bird was finally dealt with I decided I was going to hang up my Cowell and head home. 

I walk into my house and look to find that my father isn’t home until I hear a loud punching noise from my downstairs gym that my husband had for training. I see my daughter punching a punching bag kicking it and doing kickflips she couldn’t be… there is no way the little one should try to kick my butt is my daughter. I walked up behind her and said. “Hello, there paradise.”


Well… crap. I looked around and looked for any possible way to escape the situation but there was none so I guess what I had to do was. “THINK FAST!” I picked up the punching bag and I threw it at my mom. She caught it but it knocked her over. I bolted up the stairs. There was no other way to go about this. I put on my newly designed gear and I put on the jet pack I climbed up onto the roof. This was it, now or never. I hesitate though what if it doesn’t work what if I fall what if I die what if I’m just kidding myself and my mom is right I mean over the past few days she’s been sort of gaslighting it is that’s only because… no, I jumped off the building and turned down my new wings family shout out and I sort up into the sky. It was nothing like I had ever felt before to truly fly and be away from the shackles that the ground and gravity had for me. I soon drove down because I had to deal with the problem at hand. I’ve been landed back down. I want to punch and kick. I was a little more successful this time and when my mom grabbed me a shout out my wings and I longed myself into the air she had no choice but to drop to not hurt herself. She shot a grappling device around my ankle and I thought she wanted to go for a ride so I started flying soaring throughout Weedsport moving from side to side so as to knock her into a couple of buildings eventually she let go I landed on the ground and want to fight her that is when she started wiping the floor with me again. I was getting sloppy. I had to beat her this time, it didn’t matter how but I was getting my butt kicked that is until a certain someone showed up to launch some magic attacks. I was furious. This is my time to prove to myself. I was about to go for a blind punch at my mom who had been knocked down when I was grabbed by Brewster.


“Paradise, Paradise look at me please.”


“No, I have to do this, it’s my turn to get back.”


“You’re not going to get back at them if you do this alone you’re going to get yourself hurt, trust me I’ve been there.” Thinking about it I guess he was right so I gave him a nod and we both started attacking it felt so much like that scene from Civil War the moment fighting chance stood up she was immediately punched back down it was a battle she managed to get away though and pull down some sort of firearm but powered by what I don’t know.


“You can’t stop me!” She said, waving the firearm at us, we were confused considering we both had protective gear on but we gave her her space. I’m going to destroy both of you and I’m going to love doing it in the process as I destroy everyone-!” She twitched one time and then collapsed on her knees. She twitched two times then three then four and then she collapsed on the ground riddled with holes. We looked over to see who had done such a thing and we only saw the person leave. 


“I wonder what that was?” Brewster just shrugged and we couldn’t really tell.



“The target has been dealt with.”



Two weeks later I stand at the top of the Jreck Subs building. I jump off the building and extend my wings and fly throughout the small village that I come home to. It’s great to be a bird of a small town that I can call my own little paradise, ironically that’s my name. I looked down to see police cars chasing after someone and thought to myself. “That’s my cue.”