The NCMTUC (Noah Corrado Made This Up Corporation) has released new studies showing some everyday things that are bad for your health, and the solutions to avoiding the fatal attractions it may bring to you. Here is a list of the new studies…

1. Showering has been found to be extremely dangerous, especially for those who aren’t an experienced shower-ers. Slipping is the main cause to all shower related incidents. To avoid hurting yourself in the shower, avoid showering at all costs.

2. Eating almost any food can cause you to choke. Large, medium, and small foods, all have the possibility in ending your life within minutes. The solution to this is to stop eating at all costs. Instead, blend your food into a creamy mixture and inject it directly into your stomach through a syringe.

3. Sleeping is the biggest killer of the new studies. When you are sleeping, you are unaware of the dangers around you. You are most vulnerable while sleeping. Ninjas or other bad guys may attack you while you sleep. In order to avoid any sleeping accidents, sleep only when you are completely safe. This process includes entering an alternate universe, that no one else may enter.

All of these things could potentially end in serious injuries, or even death. The NCMTUC advises you to follow the instructions carefully. Now with these new studies, we may sleep in our alternate universes safely.