The Footprint You Leave Behind

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In our health 12 class we read a book called Seasons of Life. This book talks about a man (Jeffrey Marx) who used to help out a high school football team as a kid and decided to come back as an adult to visit. This visit sparks an interest to write about this particular team. A man who used to play, and  Marx  looked up to, Joe Ehrmann, now coaches that same team. The athletes don’t just play the game, they learn life lessons. They hold a chapel session where he and the other coach teach the boys about what it takes to be a true man, what really matters in life, and what and who really count.[False Masculinity/Femininity-athletic ability, sexual conquest; and economic success.] How to be a man built for others.  The “Building Men for Others” concept can be simply stated as: 1) Allow yourself to love and be loved. 2) Build and value relationships.  3) Accept responsibility, lead courageously, and enact justice on behalf of others. 4) Practice the concepts of empathy, inclusion, and integrity.  5) Learn the importance of serving others. Base your thoughts and actions on “What can I do for you?” 6) Develop a cause beyond yourself.

  Through this time Marx details in his book the words of wisdom and the message he received. If you haven’t read it I suggest you do! Anyway after we finished, Mr. Sgarlata had us write an essay that pertained to the story. I chose what he called a Then and Now essay. Basically, I just wrote about how things have changed between my freshman and senior year of high school, what I would say to me then and now, what I want to accomplish in the future, and how I want to be remembered. So here are my thoughts on the issue!

Four years ago today I was thinking I would never make it to my senior year. Four years ago, this time seemed so far away and seemed as though it would take forever. Four years ago I didn’t like myself. I didn’t have many friends, I was afraid people would judge me and I wouldn’t be liked. I was even afraid to do what I love, to perform, because I never thought I was good enough. For a long time I struggled to make peace with myself. I still struggle to this day. I found something that makes me truly happy and that’s all I’ve wanted for a while.

I think if I could go back and tell my younger self something… well I would say a few things.  Trying to be better than someone, anyone, is impossible. Don’t try to waste your energy on conforming to what others want you to be. Now I can’t say that I always follow that because it’s human nature to want to be accepted and liked, but it’s exhausting. I would also say don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. If people don’t want you even after you try then they aren’t worth your time. True friends will come along.

        I finally put myself in a vulnerable position when I tried out for the musical. I had these fears that I wasn’t good enough. The fear was paralyzing, but it did so much good in my life. I have great friends, I found my passion, and I recognized something. I was the only one standing in the way. I was hiding my true colors under fear and people couldn’t see me. Oh, I regret not doing theatre sooner in my life. I wish I didn’t chicken out in 9th and 10th grade and just went for it. But these have been the moments in my life where I’ve started to find myself. It’s been a huge learning lesson so that I could tell the freshmen Ashley that’s still inside occasionally that it’s not so hard. Life isn’t just going to give you a handout. It wants you to take initiative.

I know in the future I will do what I love. There is nothing or no one to stop me, except myself. I know that if I push through vulnerability and fear I can achieve the best outcome.   I will make people happy with my career through me being happy. The only way to live your life to the fullest is to live one that you’re passionate about.  I will again say that I sorely regret not doing theatre sooner. If I had, maybe I wouldn’t have wasted that time being miserable, I would have more experience and I would’ve had so much fun in the process. But I can’t go back, so I won’t waste my time thinking about the past and living in a place of regret. The only thing I can do is move forward.

When I leave this school I want to be remembered as someone who, in her best ability, was nice to everyone.  Who tried her hardest to be successful, who was a good friend and student.  I don’t care if they remember my name, even if they only say, “Remember her, she made me smile that day I was miserable,” or “Oh yeah she was a great student.”  I will just be happy knowing that I impacted at least one person here, that I left a footprint down these halls of Weedsport.

Aside from being super critical of myself, which I would like to change, I want and try to lift people up. Never crush ambitions; tell people they are good enough when they don’t feel it. I know how it feels to not think you’re good enough and I don’t want anyone to know that feeling, because then you just sit and watch your life go by.  I just want to make people smile.  Through my career of performing, making people laugh, cry, and smile, to feel anything at all is my goal. To make someone’s day a bit brighter. When I bring others happiness, it makes me happy. This is one of the several things I like about the career I’m going into.

There are so many ways I want to try to be a good woman in the future. I would love to get married and have a family. I want to be the wife that supports her husband and stands behind him no matter what. I want my kids to grow up with a healthy self-esteem, not like me. I want to uplift my family and never make them feel like a second choice. I don’t want to have  a family that covers up their emotions and isn’t comfortable with being open with each other.

I believe putting God in the center of your life and family is the first step to being a true man or woman. It’s okay to know you aren’t the greatest thing since sliced bread, but you have to realize  you have a place on this planet is important. You were put here for a purpose, to make the world a bit lighter and inspire the future.

I know it comes with maturity but I definitely need to work on the focus I sometimes have on myself. Even though it’s unintentional most times it’s selfish; and to make others happy, you cannot be selfish. I need to work on my confidence and self-esteem to better my future in my career, marriage and motherhood.

Money can’t buy love or passion, so does it matter how much I have? If I were to date a bunch of people just to date or have someone on my arm, will that find me my true love/husband? Will it truly matter if I drive a really expensive car but total it in an accident? All of these answers are simple. NO! Living a humble and simplistic life is the only way to achieve happiness, the material things are just a bonus! You can’t take them to heaven with you anyway. God won’t look at the cash, the car or partners you have. People won’t say, “Wow! They showed me how to be a happy person because they had a jet ski, a Ferrari, and designer purses.” They will remember you for your moral character; the footprint you leave behind.